FOREIGN AFFAIRS

AVITW

(NO NEED TO READ THE FIRST PART IF YOU READ “LOVE BY THE NUMBERS”!  THIS ARTICLE APPLIES TO FOREIGN LIAISONS)



I SEE WHERE IT IS SAID, BY SELLERS OF THE SAME, THAT COMPUTERS WILL CHANGE THE WORLD. HAVING BEEN "AWAY" (READ BUSY) FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS, I REACHED MY "GOLDEN YEARS" AND DECIDED THERE MIGHT BE A LITTLE TIME LEFT TO SHARE MY WIT, WISDOM, LEISURE INTERESTS AND A PORTION OF MY WORLDLY RESOURCES WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER. HOWEVER, I SOON DISCOVERED THAT EVEN THAT IS NOT NECESSARY IN THE 21st CENTURY.        

REMEMBERING THE SUCCESS OF A "FRIEND" WHO PUT AN AD IN THE LOCAL PAPER TWENTY YEARS AGO, TO WIT: OLD GUY; LIKES TO FISH; LOOKING FOR WIFE WITH BOAT. PLEASE SEND PICTURE OF BOAT! I RESOLVED TO EMULATE HIS ORIGINALITY.        

IN LOOKING FOR A PAPER TO PLACE SUCH AN AD, ALBEIT WITH DIFFERENT SPECIFICS, I FOUND THAT COMPUTERS HAVE INDEED SUPPLANTED THIS ARCHAIC MEDIUM AND THE WORLD OF "RANDOM ENCOUNTERS" WITH POSSIBLE COMPANIONS HAS BEEN FOREVER ALTERED. NEVER HAS THERE BEEN A GRANDER “A LA CARTE” MENU DEVISED, FROM WHICH ONE MAY ENCOUNTER EXACTLY THE MATE ONE DESIRES.  STILL, WISDOM DOES MANDATE THAT ONE CONSIDER CAREFULLY WHAT ONE WISHES FOR, AS IT MIGHT ACTUALLY COME TRUE.


A CURSORY REVIEW OF HUNDREDS OF THE SITES AVAILABLE REVEALED THAT ALL OF THEM ARE EAGER TO TAKE MY MONEY. TO MAKE THIS PROCESS LESS PAINFUL, THEY HAVE AMASSED AN "INVENTORY" OF AVAILABLE WOMEN IN EVERY SIZE, SHAPE AND COLOR IMAGINABLE, WHICH THEY HAVE DISPLAYED IN VARIOUS STATES OF DRESS AND UNDRESS, FOR EVERY CONCEIVABLE PURPOSE THAT I HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED AND SOME I HAVE NOT YET HAD THE DUBIOUS PLEASURE OF TRYING. FISHING SEEMS TO HAVE TAKEN ON A WHOLE NEW MEANING AND ONE DOES NOT EVEN NEED A LICENSE UNTIL THE PRIZE HAS BEEN LANDED, IF THEN.      

FROM THIS PLETHORA OF SITES STREAMED A VIRTUAL WAREHOUSE FULL OF AVAILABLE WOMEN JUST WAITING TO MEET ME.  THEY RANGED IN AGE FROM 18 TO 79&1/2 (ALTHOUGH SOME LOOKED YOUNGER AND SOME LOOKED OLDER). PART OF WIT AND WISDOM IS UNDERSTANDING THE POSSIBILITY THAT PHOTOGRAPHS MAY NOT ACCURATELY REPRESENT REALITY.       THEY ALSO RANGED IN HEIGHT FROM 5' NOTHING TO 6' SOMETHING (ALTHOUGH SOME LOOKED SHORTER AND SOME LOOKED TALLER). PICTURES CAN REALLY BE DECEIVING I GUESS.  

LIKE THEIR AMERICAN COUNTERPARTS, A MAJORITY OF THESE WONDERFUL WOMEN WERE SEEKING TALLER MEN. APPARENTLY THE MYSTICAL LINK BETWEEN HEIGHT AND THE VALUE OF A MAN IS UNIVERSAL. THAT IS NOT TO DENY THAT THEY MAY BE EQUALLY BAFFLED AT THE MYSTICAL LINK, TO WHICH MEN ASCRIBE, WHERE THERE IS AN UNDENIABLE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE VALUE OF A WOMAN AND THE SIZE OF HER BREASTS, BUT I DIGRESS.      

MANY WOMEN WERE ALSO KIND ENOUGH TO SUPPLY INFORMATION AS TO HOW MUCH THEY WEIGHED, WHICH RANGED FROM 90 POUNDS (40KG) TO 190 POUNDS (85KG).  SINCE NONE LOOKED TO WEIGH LESS THAN ADVERTISED AND MOST LOOKED TO WEIGH MORE, PERHAPS THEIR MECHANICAL MEASURING DEVICES WERE AS INACCURATE AS THOSE IN THE UNITED STATES.  COULD IT BE THAT PICTURES DO, IN FACT, LIMIT THE ABILITY TO LIE WITH 100% EFFECTIVENESS.  


FOR THOSE NOT SO FORTHRIGHT, THERE HAS EVOLVED A SERIES OF "CODE WORDS" RELATING TO BODY MASS. ONE TRANSLATES THESE LITERALLY AT GREAT PERIL. TO THE TRAINED EYE, (AGE DOES BRING PERSPECTIVE) IT SEEMS THAT THE ADJECTIVES MEANT TO MORE CLEARLY DESCRIBE THE SUBJECT, SEEM TO HAVE HAD THEIR MEANINGS CHANGED OVER THE YEARS.  FOR EXAMPLE, AVERAGE IS NOW A CODE WORD FOR OVERWEIGHT. VOLUPTUOUS, A FEW EXTRA POUNDS OR NEED TO LOSE A FEW, ARE CODE PHRASES FOR FAT AND “BIG AND BEAUTIFUL” HAS EMERGED AS A PERFECT OXYMORON.       ON THE OTHER HAND, A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF INDIVIDUALS CIRCUMVENT THIS PROBLEM ENTIRELY BY NOT ALLOWING YOU TO SEE THE BAIT UNTIL THEY HAVE YOU "HOOKED".  AT LEAST THAT IS MY ASSUMPTION UPON LOOKING AT THE SITUATION FROM THE FISH'S POINT OF VIEW.  ONE SENSES THAT MEN HAVE NOW BECOME THE FISH RATHER THAN THE FISHERS.      

JUDGING FROM THE FINANCIAL NUMBERS, ALTHOUGH ONE WONDERS WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH TRUE LOVE, MUCH LESS WIT AND WISDOM, WHILE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES SEEM TO HAVE BEEN BUSY AMASSING SMALL FORTUNES AND SOME RATHER SUBSTANTIAL INCOMES, (AIDED ONE SUPPOSES BY THE NINE OLD PEOPLE IN LONG ROBES) WOMEN IN OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE BEEN TRAVELING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.  STILL, THE FINANCIAL NUMBERS INVOLVED IN FOREIGN AFFAIRS OF A PERSONAL NATURE REQUIRE FORTUNES AND INCOMES EERILY SIMILAR TO THOSE DESIRED BY AMERICAN WOMEN.  


TRAGICALLY, THESE RESOURCES ARE NOT FOR THE WOMEN THEMSELVES, BUT FOR THE GOVERNMENTS  (OURS AND THEIRS) THAT HOLD THESE WOMEN IN BONDAGE TO THEIR BUREAUCRACIES.  SAVE TRAFFICKING FOR PURPOSES OF PROSTITUTION, THE FEMININE GENDER HAS NEVER SUFFERED GREATER DISCRIMINATION OR GREATER RESTRICTIONS ON THEIR OPPORTUNITIES FOR IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF THEIR LIVES.  THE HYPOCRISY OF GOVERNMENTS EXTOLLING HUMAN RIGHTS ON A SOCIETAL LEVEL, WHILE DENYING THEM ON THE INDIVIDUAL LEVEL, COULD NOT BE MORE EXPLICIT.  AGAIN, PROBABLY 80% OF THE MALE POPULATION IS STILL FINANCIALLY DISQUALIFIED FROM CONSIDERATION AS PROSPECTIVE MATES, BUT FOR A DIFFERENT REASON.      

SINCE MOST FOREIGN WOMEN SEEM TO EXIST IN RATHER DIRE FINANCIAL CIRCUMSTANCES, ONE WONDERS HOW THEY CAN ACCESS A COMPUTER TO JOIN THE INVENTORY OF AVAILABLE COMPANIONS.  ONE BEGINS TO SUSPECT THAT THE COMPANIES PURPORTING TO PROVIDE AMERICAN MEN WITH INTRODUCTIONS TO FOREIGN WOMEN, (FOR A HEFTY FEE AUTOMATICALLY RENEWABLE FOR LIFE AND THEREAFTER, IF YOU DON'T CANCEL), MUST HAVE A DISCRIMINATORY PRICING SYSTEM.  
GIVEN THE HUGE NUMBERS OF "ATTRACTIVE" WOMEN CATALOGED ON EACH SITE, THERE IS ALSO THE SUSPICION THAT SOME OF THESE LADIES ARE NOT REAL OR ARE NOT REALLY AVAILABLE.  HOW ELSE DOES ONE ACCOUNT FOR THE UNBELIEVABLE ASSORTMENT OF YOUNG, INTELLIGENT, SEXUALLY INCLINED WOMEN SUFFERING FROM A LACK OF MALE COMPANIONSHIP?  IT THERE ANY DOUBT AS TO WHY REPLIES TO LETTERS OF INTEREST ARE SELDOM RECEIVED?    


RUMORS ALSO ABOUND ABOUT RECRUITING THE “YOUNG AND PRETTY” TO PLACE THEIR FACES, IF NOT OTHER “QUALIFICATIONS”, ON AS MANY SITES AS POSSIBLE.  ONE IS TRULY AMAZED AT THE NUMBER OF 20 SOMETHING BEAUTIES CLAIMING TO BE DOCTORS AND ENGINEERS, ETC.  WHETHER OR NOT THEY ARE REAL, IT IS REASONABLE TO ASSUME THAT THE SITES ARE SKEWED TO ENCOURAGE SOLVENT MALES TO PART WITH THEIR HARD EARNED ASSETS.  SOME AGENCIES EVEN OFFER THE OPTION OF LETTING YOU PAY FOR LETTERS FROM NON-PAYING MEMBERS WHO CANNOT AFFORD TO PARTICIPATE.  IT IS AN INTERESTING WAY TO CHARGE TWICE FOR THE SAME SERVICE.


IT IS SUGGESTED THAT ONE TAKE THE PUBLISHED NUMBER OF AVAILABLE PROSPECTS (AND THEIR PICTURES) WITH THE PROVERBIAL “GRAIN OF SALT”.  THE POTENTIAL FOR SPURIOUS ACTIVITIES COULD NOT BE GREATER SINCE NO CONTACT IS PERMITTED, EXCEPT THROUGH THE ANONYMITY OF EACH RESPECTIVE SERVICE.  SINCE A GOODLY PORTION OF THESE WOMEN (WHO MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST AND WHOM ONE WILL NEVER MEET) WILL SOON BE REQUESTING FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE, THE TEMPTATION TO POST ATTRACTIVE PICTURES, BY BOTH MEN AND WOMEN OF ALL AGES, THAT DO NOT REFLECT REALITY, IS UNDENIABLE.  BUYING LOTTERY TICKETS IS ALSO ANOTHER LEGAL WAY TO WASTE YOUR MONEY.  DESPITE THE PROPAGANDA TO THE CONTRARY, THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING A WOMAN NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME, WHILE THE POSSIBILITY OF FINDING A “DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH” IS DEFINITELY APPEALING, WHEN ONE CONSIDERS THE ALTERNATIVE.


APPARENTLY AGE IS ALSO A NUMBER IN QUALIFYING FOR ADMISSION TO THE CADRE OF ATTRACTIVE APPLICANTS, ALTHOUGH, TO MY KNOWLEDGE, WIT AND WISDOM IS NOT NORMALLY DISTRIBUTED ACCORDING TO THIS DEMOGRAPHIC. BEING TRAPPED IN THE MASCULINE GENDER, I AM ONLY AWARE OF MASCULINE INCLINATIONS IN THIS AREA. MEN IN THEIR 40'S ARE PRIMARILY INTERESTED IN "20 SOMETHING’S"; MEN IN THEIR 50'S ARE LOOKING AT THE "30 SOMETHING’S"; MEN IN THEIR 60'S ARE DESIROUS OF RELATIONSHIPS WITH '40 SOMETHING’S" AND THE OCCASIONAL PRE-MENOPAUSAL "50 AND HOLDING".


WHILE IT IS GENERALLY ACCEPTED THAT WOMEN FROM FOREIGN COUNTRIES, WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF WESTERN EUROPE, ARE MUCH MORE “APPRECIATIVE” OF THE VALUE OF OLDER MEN AND MUCH MORE ACCEPTING OF “MINOR DEFECTS”  (AMERICAN WOMEN ARE NOT THE ONLY GENDER SUBJECT TO THE INFLUENCES OF TOO MUCH FOOD AND TOO LITTLE EXERCISE), IT IS SUGGESTED THAT NONE DESIRE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE THE AGE OF THEIR GRANDFATHER. ALAS!  WITH THE INTERNET PROVIDING THE CAPABILITY OF CASTING A “REALLY” WIDE NET AND JET PLANES WAITING TO TAKE ONE TO ANY CORNER OF THE GLOBE, MEN ARE NO LONGER LIMITED TO THE LOCAL, OR EVEN NATIONAL SUPPLY OF AVAILABLE WOMEN.  AMERICAN MEN, WILLING AND ABLE TO PROVIDE ECONOMIC SECURITY TO WOMEN IN DIRE STRAITS, IN RETURN FOR PROMISES OF WEDDED BLISS, HAVE A GOOD CHANCE OF APPEALING TO A WOMEN, WHO IS FAR SUPERIOR  (AND YOUNGER) TO THOSE IN THIS COUNTRY WHO CONSIDER THEMSELVES ABOVE HIM.   REPORTEDLY, ONE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN IN HIS LATE SEVENTIES CAPTURED THE HEART (AND BODY, ONE ASSUMES) OF A LADY IN HER TWENTIES.  WHEN ASKED THE SECRET OF HIS SUCCESS, HE ADMITTED THAT HE ACTUALLY LIED ABOUT HIS AGE. APPARENTLY HE TOLD HER HE WAS IN HIS LATE EIGHTIES.  


HOWEVER, THERE IS STILL AN UNEVEN PLAYING FIELD WHERE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT PROVIDES A NUMBER OF IMPEDIMENTS TO SOCIAL RELATIONS, MUCH THE SAME AS THEY IMPEDE WORLD TRADE AND EVERY OTHER ENTERPRIZE OF VALUE. APPARENTLY “PROTECTIONISM” REIGNS SUPREME IN ALL AREAS.  DESPITE THE RHETORIC OF INTERNATIONAL COOPERATION, GOOD WILL AND CONCERN FOR HUMAN RIGHTS, THE ARCHAIC PREJUDICES OF XENOPHOBIC GOVERNMENT ENSURES THAT A HUGE NUMBER OF INDIVIDUALS DESIROUS OF VISAS FOR SOCIAL REASONS ARE SUBJECTED TO AN ETERNITY OF WAITING AND UNCERTAINTY, IF NOT DOOMED TO FAILURE.  


OFTEN THESE APPLICANTS, EACH ONE WITHOUT ANY LEGAL RIGHTS, MUCH LESS COURTESY OR CONSIDERATION AS FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS, MUST ARISE BEFORE DAWN TO STAND FOR HOURS IN LONG LINES OUTSIDE OF U.S. EMBASSIES, EITHER IN BLISTERING HEAT OR FREEZING COLD, FOR A LIMITED NUMBER OF APPLICATIONS AND AN EVEN MORE LIMITED NUMBER OF INTERVIEWS, BEING LEISURELY PROCESSED A FEW HOURS A DAY, A FEW DAYS A WEEK, BY DETACHED EMPLOYEES OF THE U.S. GOVERNMENT.  IN ADDITION, THE IMPOSITION OF INFLATED GOVERNMENT FEES (SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY CAN) DETER ALL BUT THE MOST VALIANT (DESPERATE?) OF LOVERS, BUT THAT IS ANOTHER TOPIC.  EXTORTION TAKES MANY FORMS IN FOREIGN AFFAIRS.


WITH THE OPTIMISM OF ETERNAL YOUTH, OR HORMONES RUN AMOK, MEN PAY LITTLE ATTENTION TO THE CAVEATS IN THE WOMEN’S ADS OR THE CONSIDERABLE OBSTACLES INVOLVED OR THE WOMEN WOULD RECEIVE VERY FEW, IF ANY, REPLIES.  IN A WORLD OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND, WHEN ONE CALCULATES THE RATIO OF AVAILABLE MALES TO FEMALES IN THE STATES, THE BALANCE SEEMS TO SWING TOWARD FAVORING THE MEN AT ABOUT AGE 35 OR 40.  WHEN THESE SAME MEN ARE THEN ABLE TO ACCESS MILLIONS OF ADDITIONAL WOMEN WANTING TO SHARE THEIR “WIT AND WISDOM”, TO SAY NOTHING OF THEIR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS, THE CANDY STORE JUST BECAME A WHOLE LOT MORE CONSUMER FRIENDLY.  


WHILE SOME MAY DECLINE THE HONOR OF AFFILIATING WITH A LESS THAN PERFECT MALE, IF ONE LOOKS AT THE SITUATION FROM THE GEOGRAPHIC, CULTURAL AND ECONOMIC EYE OF THE WOMEN INVOLVED, INCREASING NUMBERS ARE FINDING THIS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR HAVING A DECENT HOME, FOOD ON THE TABLE, A CAR TO DRIVE AND THE ADORATION OF A FAITHFUL SPOUSE.  IN A LAND WHERE THESE THINGS ARE OFTEN TAKEN FOR GRANTED AND THEIR IMPORTANCE IS DENIGRATED BY WOMEN WHO THINK HEIGHT, HAIR AND QUANTIFIABLE ASSETS ARE THE ESSENTIALS OF A GOOD RELATIONSHIP, THERE IS AN UNDENIABLE COUNTER BALANCE, FAVORING AMERICAN MALES, IN FOREIGN AFFAIRS. THESE ONEROUS ATTITUDES ADD TO THE DESIRABILITY OF A FOREIGN WOMAN AND HAND THESE LADIES A DEFINITE ADVANTAGE WHEN IT IS TIME TO “SELECT” THE OBJECT OF ONES AFFECTIONS.        

NOW THAT WOMEN CAN ADD EGOS TO THEIR BALANCE SHEET AS ANOTHER AREA WHERE THEY HAVE SURPASSED MEN, IT IS ASSUMED THAT THE LINES AT AMERICAN EMBASSIES WILL CONTINUE TO GROW.  WHEN (IF?) THE GOVERNMENT EVER ADJUSTS ITS BUREAUCRACY TO REALITY AND REDUCES THE TIME AND EXPENSE OF THE PROCESS, THIS COUNTRY WILL BENEFIT IMMENSELY FROM THE INFLUX OF DESIRABLE FOREIGN WOMEN, MANY OF WHOM ARE ABLE AND EAGER TO ASSUME THE RESPONSIBILITIES AND RECEIVE THE BENEFITS OF CITIZENSHIP.  REMEMBER, THESE ARE THE WOMEN WHO ARE CONSIDERED THE “CREAM OF THE CROP” AND WHO BRING WITH THEM A TRADITION OF HARD WORK AND LOYALTY TO FAMILY NOT ONES WHO SNEAK OVER THE BORDER IN THE DARK OF NIGHT.
  SADLY, SINCE THESE QUALITIES CANNOT BE “QUANTIFIED”, ONE CANNOT EXPECT ACTS OF WISDOM FROM THE 500 PLUS SELF ABSORBED INDIVIDUALS IN CONGRESS TO BRING THIS COUNTRY INTO THE 21st CENTURY.  THEREFORE, IT MUST BE ASSUMED THAT RACIAL AND ETHNIC DISCRIMINATION WILL REMAIN INTACT, EVEN AS THE INDIVIDUALS INVOLVED STRIVE ONLY TO IMPROVE THE WORLD, ONE RELATIONSHIP AT A TIME.


AS AMERICAN WOMEN HAVE ELEVATED THEMSELVES IN EDUCATION AND ECONOMIC STATUS, THEIR DESIRES AND EXPECTATIONS OF MALES SUITABLE FOR COMPANIONSHIP SEEM TO HAVE GROWN EXPONENTIALLY, WHILE THE CHARACTERISTICS AND FEATURES THEY POSSESS, WHICH ARE ATTRACTIVE TO THE MALE OF THE SPECIES, HAVE DECLINED.  FOREIGN WOMEN SHOULD BE FOREVER GRATEFUL TO THESE WOMEN WHO EMULATE THE HOLY GRAIL OF EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION (SEX AND THE CITY) BY EXCLUDING A MAJORITY OF AMERICAN MEN FROM CONSIDERATION.  NO DOUBT THIS PROVIDES THE PRIMARY ENGINE THAT STIRS AMERICAN MEN TO SEEK COMPANIONSHIP OUTSIDE THEIR LOCAL OR NATIONAL ZIP CODES AS ONE COULD NOT DISCERN ANY SHORTAGE OF AMERICAN WOMEN.


AMERICAN MEN, ALTHOUGH DEEMED NUMERICALLY DEFICIENT BY AMERICAN WOMEN, ARE NOW SOUGHT AFTER FOR THOSE NON-QUANTIFIABLE CHARACTERISTICS, INCLUDING WIT AND WISDOM, THAT ARE BELIEVED TO BE CRITICAL IN A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP.  WHEN RELATIONSHIPS ARE REDUCED TO NUMERICAL EQUATIONS, ONE BEGINS TO SUSPECT THAT IT IS NOT MALE COMPANIONSHIP THAT AMERICAN WOMEN ARE SEEKING BUT AN ANIMATE FORM OF AN I.R.A., WITH RESPECT TO THEIR PHYSICAL, SOCIAL AND FINANCIAL WELL BEING.      

WHEN ONE FACTORS THE INHERENT FEAR THAT MANY MALES HAVE OF SUCCESSFUL FEMALES, WHICH THEY ASSOCIATE WITH A DOMINEERING AND THEREFORE UNDESIRABLE PERSONALITY, ONE ENCOUNTERS A SECOND MAJOR MOTIVATION FOR A FOREIGN AFFAIR.  HAVING ENCOUNTERED THIS PHENOMENON AT EVERY TURN OF THEIR PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL EXISTENCE, FREE (AVAILABLE?) MALES HAVE LITTLE DESIRE TO HOLD THIS KILLER OF ALL THINGS GOOD IN LIFE CLOSE TO THEIR BREASTS.  AMERICAN MEN, HAVING BEEN EMASCULATED FOR THE LAST HALF CENTURY, HAVE BECOME JUSTIFIABLY CAUTIOUS.  BEHAVIOR, HOWEVER IRRATIONAL IT MAY BE IN MODERN SOCIETY, THAT HAS EVOLVED OVER MILLIONS OF YEARS, WHERE THE MALE ASSUMED THE DOMINANT ROLE IN SOCIETY AND IN THE FAMILY (ALONG WITH THE BAGGAGE THAT ENTAILS), WILL NOT BE UNDONE BY PANDERING AND NINE OLD PEOPLE IN LONG ROBES.


LEST AMERICAN MEN THINK THAT FOREIGN WOMEN HAVE NO MEANS WITH WHICH TO OBTAIN THE THINGS THEY WANT IN LIFE, BE ASSURED THAT IS A DANGEROUS MISCONCEPTION.  WOMEN FROM OTHER CULTURES, ESSENTIALLY DOMINATED BY MALES AT EVERY JUNCTURE OF SOCIETY, HAVE BECOME QUITE ADEPT AT WORKING AROUND THE BEST LAID DEFENSES TO MALE DOMINATION AND, IN MANY CASES, ARE THE TRUE STRENGTH OF THE FAMILY, IF NOT THE NATION.  WITH THEIR COMBINATION OF INNER STRENGTH AND FEMININITY, BUT WITHOUT AGGRESSIVENESS OR ANGER, AN AMERICAN MAN WILL FIND IT HARD TO DENY THEIR PARTNER WHATEVER IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE THEIR LIVES WORTHWHILE IN AN ALIEN ENVIRONMENT.  


THE INHERENT RISK (DANGER?) TO THESE IDYLLIC POSSIBILITIES ARE WELL TO EXAMINE ALSO.  FIRST, THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY THAT THESE WOMEN ARE ONLY USING AN AMERICAN MAN TO GAIN ACCESS TO THIS COUNTRY FOR THEMSELVES. THE MAN SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT THE WOMEN “MIGHT” VIEW THE RELATIONSHIP AS A NECESSARY PRICE TO BE PAID FOR THEIR “GREEN CARD”.  NUMEROUS 2-YEAR DIVORCES ARE SUFFICIENT NUMERICAL DOCUMENTATION OF THIS PHENOMENON.  SECONDLY, IF THERE DOES DEVELOP A FAMILY IN THE TRUEST SENSE, THE FAMILY LEFT BEHIND IS NOT FORGOTTEN.  NEVER IN THE AMERICAN EXPERIENCE OF “FAMILY”, IS A MAN PREPARED FOR THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING SINGLED OUT AS THE SOURCE OF ALL GOOD THINGS, ECONOMIC AND LEGAL, AS IS AN AMERICAN MAN IS WITH A FOREIGN BRIDE.  MONEY WILL CROSS BORDERS WITH INCREASING REGULARITY.  AIRLINE TICKETS ARE A STANDARD OPERATING EXPENSE.  RECURRING VISITS WITH THE OGRES OF IMMIGRATION OCCUR WITH EVERY FAMILY MEMBER DESIRING TO EMIGRATE TO THE UNITED STATES, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT TO LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF THAT HE LIVES UNDER, FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME, IF NOT FOREVER. A ONE BEDROOM CONDO IS AN EXCELLENT ALTERNATIVE.


BY FAR THE MOST TRAGIC OUTCOME IS WHEN THESE DESIRABLE WOMEN ARE SEDUCED BY THE SIREN CALL OF THEIR AMERICAN COUNTERPARTS.  WHEN A FOREIGN WOMAN LEARNS THE NATIVE LANGUAGE AND ENCOUNTERS THE IMAGES (NOT THE REALITY) OF SUCCESSFUL AMERICAN WOMEN DRIVING THEIR OWN CARS, WORKING IN HIGH PAYING POSITIONS, MANAGING THEIR OWN BUSINESSES, FLYING OFF TO MEETINGS OR DINING IN EXPENSIVE RESTAURANTS AND BEING TENDED TO BY A VARIETY OF PAID STAFF AND THEN TURN INTO ONE OF THESE UNDESIRABLE WOMEN, THE DISASTER IS COMPLETE, AT LEAST FROM THE POINT OF VIEW OF THE MAN WHO SEARCHED THE WORLD TO AVOID SUCH A FATE.
  

STILL, IT IS EASY TO UNDERSTAND WHY MANY OPT TO STRIKE OUT FOR THEMSELVES WHEN THEY BECOME DELUDED INTO THINKING THAT THEY TOO ARE “TOO GOOD” FOR THE ONE WHOM, A FEW YEARS EARLIER, SACRIFICED MUCH OF WHAT HE HAD TO OFFER HER A DECENT LIFE.   OF COURSE, THE AMERICAN WOMEN AID AND ABET THIS ILLUSION TELLING THE FOREIGN WOMEN THAT THEY SHOULD NOT BE GRATEFUL TO THIS MAN AND THAT THEY DESERVE, WHAT THEY THEMSELVES HAVE FAILED TO ATTRACT, E.G. A MALE WHO IS "NUMERICALLY DESIRABLE", BECAUSE OF THE VERY CHARACTERISTICS THEY NOW FOIST UPON HER.  THE NUMBER OF “WANT ADS” OF FOREIGN WOMEN TRAPPED AND ALONE IN THIS COUNTRY, EXCEPT FOR A NUMBER OF CHILDREN AWARDED TO HER UNDER ARCHAIC LAWS PERPETUATED BY NINE OLD PEOPLE IN LONG ROBES, ARE BEGINNING TO RIVAL THOSE OF THE NATIVE BORN VARIETY.   REST ASSURED THAT A MEMBER OF ANOTHER CULTURE OR ETHNIC GROUP THAT HAS BECOME “AMERICANIZED” OFFERS NO MORE HOPE FOR A REWARDING RELATIONSHIP THAN EXISTS AMONG THE NATIVES.


ONE WONDERS, BUT NOT FOR LONG, WHY THESE WOMEN ARE NEVER EXPOSED TO THE ACTUAL DRUDGERY OF HARD WORK ENDURED BY MILLIONS OF “AVERAGE” WOMEN SLAVING AWAY IN THE RECESSES OF VARIOUS GOVERNMENTAL AND CORPORATE ENTERPRISES, IN LOW PAYING, (AFTER TAXES AND EXPENSES) MONOTONOUS, DEAD END JOBS, WITH LITTLE HOPE OF ADVANCEMENT AND THEN RETURNING HOME TO DO THE MAJORITY OF HOME CARE. IN ADDITION, THEY MUST TRY TO PROVIDE SOME SORT OF GUIDANCE, IF NOT LOVING CARE, TO ANY OFFSPRING, STABLED DURING THE DAY, UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF EVEN LESS QUALIFIED AND LOWER PAID WORKING POOR IN OUR SOCIETY.  UPON COMPLETION OF THEIR NEWLY ACQUIRED STATUS AS A LIBERATED WOMAN, SHE CAN ONLY COLLAPSE INTO BED, WITH NO INTEREST AT ALL IN PROVIDING “QUALITY TIME” FOR THE MAN LYING NEXT TO HER, SO SHE CAN REPEAT THE PROCESS, BEGINNING WITH DAWN’S EARLY LIGHT, OR BEFORE.


OF COURSE, INFIDELITY AND OTHER FORMS CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR MAY ACCOUNT FOR A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF PERSONS, LIVING ALONE, BUT WISHING THEY DID NOT.  HOWEVER, IT IS POSTULATED THAT FAILURE TO TAKE THE FOREGOING EVOLUTIONARY, CULTURAL AND ECONOMIC INFORMATION INTO ACCOUNT IS THE PREDOMINANT FACTOR LEADING TO THE ASTRONOMICAL NUMBER OF INDIVIDUALS OF BOTH GENDERS LIVING ALONE. TO THE HONORABLE PERSONS OF BOTH GENDERS WHO FALL INTO ANY OF THESE CATEGORIES, REGARDLESS OF THEIR "NUMBERS", THE AUTHOR SUGGESTS A THROUGH RE-EXAMINATION OF VALUES, A HELPING OF HUMILITY AND A PORTION OF REALISM, IN TERMS OF WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE AND HOW ONE MIGHT ARRIVE AT A BALANCE BETWEEN WHAT IS DESIRABLE AND WHAT PASSES FOR “THE AMERICAN DREAM”.  NIGHTMARES ARE ALSO DREAMS.  HOWEVER, IN THIS CENTURY OF INFLATED EXPECTATIONS AND EGOS, SUCH CONSIDERATIONS SEEM PASSÉ.


MANY YEARS AGO, IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND WHY ONE OF THE HAPPIEST COUPLES I HAVE EVER MET, SHE FROM THE PHILIPPINES AND HE OF THE UNITED STATES, WERE LIVING A TRADITIONAL LIFE WHERE SHE CARED FOR THE HOME AND CHILDREN WHILE HE CAREFULLY GUARDED HER FROM THE INFLUENCES OF WORKING AMONG AMERICAN WOMEN OPENLY HOSTILE TO ANY WOMAN WHO SEEMED ENAMORED OF A TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP. PROSELYTIZING FOR CONVERSION TO THE CONTEMPORARY MATERIALISTIC “FAITH” WAS IN FULL FLOWER AND ONLY THE NUMBERS SEEMED TO MATTER, SPECIFICALLY THE ONE DEMANDING THAT WOMEN CANNOT BE CONSIDERED EQUAL UNLESS THEY EMULATE THE ERRORS OF MEN BY WORKING AN UNCONSCIONABLE NUMBER OF HOURS, FOR PAY WHICH SELDOM COVERED MORE THAN THE COSTS INVOLVED, BUT THAT IS ANOTHER TOPIC.  IN RETROSPECT, IT IS NOT TOO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND THE WISDOM OF THE HAPPY COUPLE.


RETURNING TO OTHER EXPECTATIONS SUBJECT TO NUMERICAL ANALYSIS, ONE ENCOUNTERS THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN ATTACHED TO, OR EXPECTED BY, A GIVEN WOMAN. WHILE ONE DOES NOT ENCOUNTER A SINGLE WOMAN SEEKING TO ASSUME THE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR A MAN'S CHILDREN, (MUCH LESS FOR HIM) ONE DOES ENCOUNTER A UNIVERSAL EXPECTATION THAT THE MAN SHOULD BE OVERJOYED TO ACCEPT A "PACKAGE DEAL", MEANING THE ASSUMPTION OF RESPONSIBILITIES FOR RAISING ANOTHER MAN'S CHILDREN. IT IS SUGGESTED THAT ANY MAN WITH THIS BENT MUST SURELY BE A SAINT AND NO AMOUNT OF LOVE AND APPRECIATION IS TOO GREAT FOR HIM.  SADLY, THE FACT THAT HE IS NOW SUPPORTING THESE CHILDREN DOES NOT SEEM TO ENTITLE HIM TO A POSITION IMPORTANCE BY EITHER THE MOTHER OR THE CHILDREN.  HE SHOULD BE PREPARED TO BE ETERNALLY PLACED AT A LEVEL OF LOWER IMPORTANCE IN RELATION TO THE ACQUIRED CHILDREN.        

INTERESTINGLY, YOUNGER WOMEN WITHOUT CHILDREN WERE NOT DETERRED FROM EXPECTING THE MAN TO BE WILLING TO AGREE, IN ADVANCE, TO PROCREATE WITH THE, AS YET UNKNOWN, YOUNG LADY, WISHING TO EXPAND THE POPULATION OF AN ALREADY OVERCROWDED PLANET. BECAUSE OF THE INCURSION OF NINE OLD PEOPLE IN LONG ROBES IN THE INEQUITABLE ASSUMPTION OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS ENTERPRISE, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THIS IS A DECISION BEST TAKEN BY BOTH PARTIES SEVERAL YEARS “AFTER” THEY HAVE ESTABLISHED A STABLE RELATIONSHIP AND ENVIRONMENT FOR THE NEW INFANT, BUT THAT IS ANOTHER TOPIC ALSO.      

A MAN MIGHT CONSIDER HIMSELF FORTUNATE TO BE FINANCIALLY DISQUALIFIED BY A WOMAN WHO IS OBVIOUSLY LESS INTERESTED IN HIS "WIT AND WISDOM" THAN HIS "NUMBERS". DARE ONE SUGGEST THAT THESE WOMEN RECEIVE, AS ROBERT BURNS ONCE NOTED, THE GIFT TO SEE THEMSELVES AS OTHERS (ESPECIALLY PROSPECTIVE SUITORS) SEE THEM.   FORTUNATELY FOR THE “FINANCIALLY CHALLENGED” WOMEN OF OTHER COUNTRIES, MOST MEN DO NOT APPROACH THE SOCIAL MILIEU OF COUPLING WITH THE SAME MIND SET AS APPLYING FOR A JOB, WHERE HE EXAMINES THE BALANCE SHEET OF THE PROSPECTIVE BENEFICIARY OF HIS EFFORTS TO ENSURE THAT HE WILL RECEIVE A FAIR WAGE, GOOD WORKING CONDITIONS, NUMEROUS PERKS AND AN ANNUAL VACATION.       PERHAPS THAT IS WHY, DESPITE THE OBVIOUS OBSTACLES OF DISTANCE, LANGUAGE AND GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRACY, INCREASING NUMBERS OF MEN AVAIL THEMSELVES OF THOSE SITES WHO SPECIALIZE IN FOREIGN WOMEN, TO WHOM A MAN WITH A ROOF AND STEADY JOB SEEMS WEALTHY AND EMINENTLY DESIRABLE, REGARDLESS OF HIS AGE, HEIGHT, EDUCATION, GEOGRAPHIC PROXIMITY OR INCOME.  PERCEPTIONS MAY DIFFER, BUT THE REALITY OF A GOOD MAN PERSISTS, REGARDLESS OF THE NUMBERS.      

STILL, TWENTY YEARS IS BEGINNING TO SEEM LIKE AN ETERNITY IN TERMS OF MATING EXPECTATIONS. WITH THE MODERN WOMAN'S CONSTRAINTS, PERHAPS A MAN, WHO IS NOT INTERESTED IN A FOREIGN AFFAIR, WOULD DO WELL TO SEEK ARCHITECTURAL DRAWINGS OF THE PROSPECTIVE MATE'S RESIDENCE, MUCH AS MY FRIEND OF YORE WISHED TO KNOW THE NATURE OF HER BOAT.      

THE FINAL NUMBER, WHICH COULD POSSIBLY PREEMPT ALL OTHERS, IS THE TIME A WOMAN SO INCLINED MIGHT SPEND IN HER AREA OF EMPLOYMENT.  EVEN AFTER 20 YEARS, THERE ARE STILL ONLY A FINITE NUMBER OF HOURS IN A WEEK.  NOT BEING A GREAT FAN OF THE MISCONCEPTION THAT QUALITY TIME CAN REPLACE REAL TIME, A MAN SHOULD ASK WHERE, AFTER THE TIME ALLOTTED TO WORK BY WOMEN (FULL TIME BEING 50 OR MORE HOURS PER WEEK IN MOST POSITIONS, INCLUDING TRAVEL, LUNCH AND SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS) WOULD THERE BE TIME TO SHARE ONES WIT AND WISDOM, MUCH LESS THE PASTIMES WHICH MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORTHWHILE, SUCH AS TRAVELING, SOCIAL AND RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES, MUCH LESS PERSONAL TIME TO CONTEMPLATE THE VALUE OF LIFE WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE.  WHEN ADDED TO THE NECESSARY SURVIVAL REQUISITES OF EATING, SLEEPING, PERSONAL HYGIENE, HOUSE KEEPING AND SOME FORM OF INTIMATE RELATIONS (PERHAPS THAT IS ASKING TOO MUCH), GOD HELP THE WOMEN (COUPLE?) WHO MUST ALSO CONSIDER THE NEEDS OF HER CHILDREN.


FOLLOWING THESE ENLIGHTENING THOUGHT PROCESSES AND WHEN I AM FINISHED WATCHING MY BIG SCREEN TV, PERHAPS IT WOULD BE BETTER TO LEAVE MY WATERFRONT ABODE, CLIMB INTO MY NEW CAR, GO DOWN TO THE MARINA AND SAIL OFF INTO THE SUNSET, IN ORDER TO "CRUNCH" THE NUMBERS, SINCE I HAVE BEEN NUMERICALLY DISQUALIFIED AS A HUMAN COMPANION TO ANY LADY I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN KNOWING.


IN THE 21st CENTURY, ALTHOUGH THE PROCESS AND "PACKAGING" SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED, THE DIFFICULTY STILL LIES IN FINDING THE PROVERBIAL "PONY" AMID THE SURROUNDING . . . . . NUMBERS.          

ENJOY. TOM